Wow... what a day.... I don't even know where to start. Argentina is really changing me and testing a lot of the kind of person that I am. I'm learning so much of who I am and what I'm really capable of. Here, I feel like I really have time for myself and have a lot of room to grow as a person. For the past two years I felt like I've been bogged down with a boyfriend and a lot of my life was consumed by my relationship with my boyfriend, and for a while I was always thinking for two people... and although those were some of my most favorite times and I miss a lot of things about it, I feel so refreshed right now. It feels good to know that I made this decision all on my own and came here only knowing one person, kinda like starting my life out again, anew. To see how much i've accomplished while being here, making brand new friends, speaking a foreign language, living with all the inconveniences I encounter almost everyday, it teaches me so much about life and what is out there besides this little bubble that we all live in... called California... or even the US... All the hardships and raw emotions I endure here in Argentina, all the homesickness, are all these tiny blessings in disguise that just prove to me SO much that I need to stop being so ignorant. Ignorance is a characteristic I've always HATED in people, but being an outsider trying to fit in, i really realized that I needed to start with myself, and educate myself and stop being so damn ignorant and such the typical American and really START LIVING! I'm 19 years old, young to many mannyyy people, but to me, I feel foolish for taking this long to realize how little I have and how ugly of a person I am on the inside. All of us back at home are so concerned about OUR well-being, OUR careers, OUR grades, OUR cars, OUR own success, having the wrong idea of fun, wasting so much of everything... but there is so much more to life than just making yourself happy and being so stuck on the idea of creating OUR perfect life when there are soooooooooooo many people out there who are so clueless and have so little compared to us. I don't know it just really makes me sick to think that I've been sitting on my ass most of my life watching it go by like it was nothing when I could've been doing something so much more productive... being here, I know that I know nothing...
Okay, why all of this prophetic life lessons and bitterness... coming to Argentina, experiencing this brand-new culture, meeting people from all over the world both in South America and even the students here studying with me, it's made me feel like such a boring person. Here, I get so many different and diverse types of perspectives of how life is and the way the world works. It really just shuts me up and makes me want to listen to all these people, experiencing life in a totally different way than I could ever imagine. There are kids who are literally scrapping up anyting they can to try and get an education for themselves, and here I am holding an ID card who gets me an unlimited amount of food, never having to worry about running out of money. Traveling has made me realize that i've merely been scratching at the surface of life and what God wants me to do with it. I know so many people who would never even think of leaving the country to help others. Before I came here, there were SOOOOO many people who'd say, "Oh I wish I could do what you're doing but I can't because there just is no time for me!" ... honestly, that is one of the worst excuses anyone could come up with. Time is the only thing we're given and EVERYONE has time to do something like this... everyone. It just makes me sad to know that there are so many people like that back home, especially now because I know what leaving the country can do to people.
So here I am, 12:29 am on Sunday morning, letting everyone know that within the next three years, during one of those years I'm going to pack up my things again and go out as a student missionary. Like it's decided and it's a done deal. Not literally but I promised myself that I am going to do it. Me and my friend Leanna promised each other that we were going to go together. Where should I go? We were thinking China... but maybe Micronesia? We'll go to a place where we're needed.. I'm so excited to find out where that's going to be!! Live by faith. Today, I went to bible study and this girl was giving a testimony on her mission trip to India and it inspired me in so many ways. The faces on these people, the sheer gratefulness and their genuinity made me cry.. literally. I've seen and heard millions of mission trip testimonies, I know yes, we all have... but this one really stood out to me for the first time in my life.... I hope no one reads this and gets turned off or think that I'm being one of those stereotypical "girl gone good" type of things. because i'm not saying that i'm this holy girl ready to give her life up for God. That's really not what I'm saying at all... but all judgements aside, I just really wanted to write about the fact that I am so happy that i am here because i've been learning so much. I feel like the resources and abundance of technology and material things we all have sometimes desensitize us to the things outside of that lifestyle. Stuff like that just distract us and take our attention away from everything outside of the life of luxury, and I am the prime example of that. Im always constantly complaining about our SHITTY internet, lack of entertainment media, and everything and anything else I could think of, instead of ejecting myself out of that mentality and committing myself to trying to learn the culture of Argentina. I didn't even take the time out to get to know my roommate and made all these crazy assumptions about her, but I finally let my guard down and got myself to talk to her more and develop some kind of relationship with her... and now, i absolutely love her. That is just a small example of all the realizations that I am making here... and it hasn't even been two months. That is just amazing...
There are students who come here, like me, for a year... and then return to go to regular school here... that means 7 years here in Argentina... when I first came here I would be completely repulsed by that idea... but now... I completely understand why they choose do to that... and sometimes, I wish I were as brave as them... maybe 8 months will make that happen <3
I went to nursing home visitation today and spent time with old Argentino folks. We didn't get to conversate with them as much as I was hoping.. but I did get to pray in Spanish!!!!.......................-_-......... hahahah im pretty sure they were all judging me and calling me "chino" the whole time, but it was good that I did that. It made me feel good after. Last week, I went to hospital visitation where there's a lot of sick old people. There was this one grandpa that was so cuteeee and when we first walked in, he was so excited and just wanted to talk to us all and we were all just nodding our heads politely because we couldn't really understand him... but while we were reading a bible verse, he started to choke up and eventually started crying. Even though there was a big language barrier between the old man and I, there was absolutely no miscommunication between us when he started to cry. I felt his every emotion through his reaction than words could ever do to make me understand him. I love experiences like that, it really uplifts me and grounds my two feet back into the ground. I'm so sorry everyone, I haven't sounded this GAY in so long. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I feel bashful, cuz for those of you who know me, I NEVER write stuff like this... like this is a very rare moment for me... but I just feel really passionate about this and I had to get it off my chest. Don't judge me and I won't make this a regular thing at all... but I hope that at least one person really sees this entry as genuine and real. If not... that kind of like... sucks... HAHA!!!
-ina-
